Westcustogo Publishing House:
Intensity, Dispirit and Depression.

Successes.

6/11/1996 Tuesday. 5:15 AM

  1. I've brought my initiatives down to the lowest common denominator: Sex.
  2. As if this is all that I want, and
  3. All that I can offer.
  4. I've cheapened me.
  5. I'm cheapening her.
  6. And I like the argument.
  7. I like the attack.
  8. But I want to see her face.
  9. Tell her that I want to see her face.
  10. But she can withstand a sex initiative attack.
  11. All she has to do is refuse to see me.
  12. Keep it restricted to the telephone only.
  13. And then on July 3rd, she flies north, to
  14. Indianapolis, and then
  15. The Southern Indiana horse farm.
  16. I will be in Hell.
  17. My imagination will kill me.
  18. And by July 17th they go sailing on a long cruise.
  19. This puts pressure on me to beat it in June.
  20. My anxiety level is too high.
  21. Keep trying.
  22. I won't drive by her home. Boldness is not called for.
  23. My pride is injured.
  24. She cheated on me all May.

6/12/1996 Wednesday

  1. My phone call was so rich and successful, that
  2. I didn't need to write about it.
  3. I'll take her to the airport.
  4. She doesn't want me to go with her.
  5. She called back while I was at Upper Pinellas Singles.
  6. I returned call about her granddaughter.

6/12/1996 Wednesday, 7:30 AM

  1. Sleepless night, get some sleep.
  2. Many insights from last night.
  3. Insight is this: She is very determined, decided, resolute, steeled, certain, and sure of her decision.
  4. There is no turning back now.
  5. She is really going forward.
  6. I told her she is in a whirlwind/tornado/hurricane.
  7. I told her that she wants to be "We are what's happening!" when the "Windblown" reenters Clearwater Harbor.
  8. She readily agreed. "You know me too much, too well."
  9. Ask her when he will be at church.
  10. Tell her I'll save her seat and his.
  11. I am taking her to the airport today.
  12. I'll appear for lunch.
  13. We'll be together 5 hours.
  14. I'll hardly touch her. I won't be Bob Packwood.
  15. We'll pick up her granddaughter at dramatics camp.
  16. I've been asked to pick up her granddaughter Thursday, Friday, and Monday. What an honor.
  17. Her son has accepted per telephone tag message.
  18. I left her a message.
  19. Told her I finally re-listened to her messages.
  20. That I couldn't earlier.
  21. That they are consistent.
  22. That I have insight from last night (see #3 above).
  23. And I can respect that.
  24. My insight should release me somewhat emotionally.
  25. The lowest denominator didn't work.
  26. I want sex out of a regard for me anyway, not to be used.
  27. Tell her this.
  28. If I am released I can grow forward.
  29. My novel will give a new paradigm for male behavior with women.
  30. These are its notes.

    6/12/1996 Wednesday, 8:20 AM

    After reading entire journal.
  31. I've really got it now.
  32. Her relationship will proceed according to plan.
  33. Our friendship can only be a friendship for now.
  34. It will, however, be very very rich.
  35. This will be a long term thing.
  36. I will be close to both of them.
  37. She is repeating the pattern when she met Robert.
  38. She kept a young lawyer's friendship then.
  39. I'll be able to unlock my energy and work barriers.
  40. My stomach won't be gnawed so much.
  41. My heart will be less broken.
  42. I will be able to go forward and grow forward.

8:20 PM

  1. When she got up to board the plane we kissed and we kissed, and we kissed.
  2. We were together from 1:15 PM until 5:15 PM.
  3. We held hands while driving and at the airport.
  4. It was blissful.
  5. This is physical intimacy and we sure had it today.
  6. It was heart intimacy.
  7. We could sit silently together.

6/13/1996 6:45 AM Thursday morning.

  1. I have reawakened her love for me.
  2. She probably will stay home in July.
  3. She may lose her daughter-in-law.
  4. She will have to be a mother for four grandchildren.
  5. I'll be at her side to help her.
  6. We will probably get together Monday night after I pick her up.
  7. My approach was the love approach and it worked.
  8. My appetite is back.
  9. I slept last night.
  10. A supreme compliment last night,
  11. "We can use the back of your van." It was very clean.
  12. An hour at the airport can change a life.
  13. My whole body is not easily led on.

6/13/1996 Thursday 7:00 AM

  1. I have transformed my van.
  2. Now I can transform my apartment.

1:05 PM

  1. I am a heart person.
  2. I only want sex that has meaning.
  3. But I think that she does love me.
  4. It is her brain that I've got to change.
  5. Give her time and give her love.
  6. The carpet on the passenger side of the van is fixed.
  7. I did it for her.
  8. Drilling those holes with wood tools in hot sun was hard.
  9. But I did it. Six holes. Six screws. Done.

    Return to home.

    Return to 'Terrific.'

    		 Advance to the next page. Web page created using web thing. Arachnophilia 4.0,
    August 1, 2018 by Webmaster@westcustogo.com
    Revised August 1, 2, 3, and 4, 2018.